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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22449652">what it takes and means (to be happy)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmel/pseuds/Emmel'>Emmel</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/youngho/pseuds/youngho'>youngho</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Scars, Time Travel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 14:34:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,447</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22449652</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmel/pseuds/Emmel, https://archiveofourown.org/users/youngho/pseuds/youngho</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the year 2032, Johnny finds his thoughts always going back to the past, wanting to relive those times with the men he called his brothers—his family. </p><p>In the year 2022, Johnny wonders what the future has in store for him—for them. </p><p>This is their answer.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>123</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Johnny Fic Fest: Round One</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>what it takes and means (to be happy)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p><b>Update!</b><br/>Now includes the artwork by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmel">Emmel</a></p><p><b>Prompt Code: #JS97</b><br/>Full prompt at the bottom to avoid some spoilers!</p><p>
  <span class="small">I'd like to thank my prompter for her prompt. When I saw it, I just <i>knew</i> I had to get it, and claim, I did, even though I technically had no time. Haha cue me stress writing this whole thing before the semester killed me and then stress writing it again during Christmas break. Thank you to my betas L and A for continuously telling me and reassuring me my fic was okay, and for fixing any and all of my errors. I hope you all enjoy it!</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="small">P.S. Didn't include the whole NCT Ensemble because WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE and I didn't know how to fit them in 😩 Please don't flame me, thanks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="small"><a href="https://twitter.com/wangsejohn">twitter</a>.<a href="https://curiouscat.me/suhrendipity">curiouscat</a>.</span>
</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>37</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>"Everything ready?" Taeyong asks, leaning against the doorframe. Johnny looks up from where he's fixing their bed and smiles.</p><p>"I don't think there's anything to prepare." Johnny walks closer and wraps his arms around Taeyong. Taeyong looks up at him, expression worried, his hands going up to caress Johnny's face.</p><p>"Do you really have to go?" he whispers, closing his eye and leaning his head onto Johnny's shoulder.</p><p>"You know I don't have a choice." Johnny holds onto Taeyong a little tighter.</p><p>"Will I ever find out the reason you have to go?"</p><p>"I—" Johnny takes a deep breath. "When all this ends, I promise, I'll tell you." He kisses the top of Taeyong's head, squeezing him tightly before loosening his hold.</p><p>"Let's go to bed?"</p><p>"Okay," Taeyong says, and they both know that the emotion behind it is heavier than usual.</p><p>When they lay in bed that night, Taeyong makes sure to be the last one to close his eyes. "I'll miss you," Taeyong says before sleep takes him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>27</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>"What are you thinking about?"</p><p>Johnny's lying face up on his bed with Taeyong right next to him. "Would you find it weird if I said I was thinking about the future?"</p><p>Taeyong chuckles. "I don't think it's weird. Don't we all end up thinking about the future at one point in our lives? What about the future are you thinking about exactly?"</p><p>Johnny hums and steals a glance at Taeyong. Taeyong's looking up at the ceiling. His skin's just a little shiny from the moisturizer he's put on. Johnny can't help but think that he looks beautiful like this, that he's lucky that he gets to see this every day. He swallows thickly.</p><p>"I was thinking if we would still be together, years from now."</p><p>"Oh." Taeyong doesn't say anything else after that, and with every passing second that the room stays silent, Johnny's heart beats faster and faster. "Would you still want to be with me, I don't know, ten—twenty years from now?" he tries to laugh off the question, but Johnny can hear the insecurity in it.</p><p>Johnny's heart aches, and he reaches out a hand to hold Taeyong's. "It sounds silly, but there is absolutely nobody else I would want to be with ten, twenty, fifty, a hundred years from now but you."</p><p>When Taeyong turns to look at him, his eyes glisten with unshed tears, but there's a smile on his face that placates the pain in Johnny's chest. "Yeah? Me too."</p><p>Taeyong leans in, and Johnny meets him halfway. "I love you," Johnny whispers before they pull away.</p><p>"Always," Taeyong continues.</p><p>Johnny watches Taeyong fall asleep that night, hoping and half-wishing that whatever future was being prepared for him that Taeyong would always be by his side.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>37</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The alarm blares, and Johnny fumbles for his phone on the bedside table to turn it off. "What?" he asks when the shape of his phone feels different but familiar. He blinks one eye open to look at the time, but the date on his phone and the wallpaper jolts him awake. He sits up and looks around the room, noting the soft hues of blue on the walls, the mess of his and Donghyuck's things on one side of the room.</p><p>Johnny takes a deep breath. "Oh my god," he whispers to himself. He sees the empty bed beside his own, but what really catches his eyes is the arm wrapped around his waist and the person it belongs to. He takes another deep breath, holds it in and gets off the bed. The pounding of his heart echoes in his ears as he tries to check his reflection in the mirror at the corner of the room. He's a little surprised it's still there but it does the job. He looks exactly the same, wrinkles at the corner of his eyes, dark hair highlighted with streaks of gray.</p><p>He goes back to check the headboard of his bed, filled with things like his charger, wallet and other knick knacks he seems to have collected. He grabs the iPad Pro, whose owner is still sleeping on the bed, and smiles at the lock screen's picture, a drawing they had worked on together. He unlocks the device and is surprised that the password is still the same. It makes a loud sound, informing everyone in the room that it's been unlocked, and rouses the figure on the bed. "Johnny?"</p><p>The sight before him takes Johnny's breath away. Taeyong, who is just waking up from a night's sleep, is blinking up at him, trying his best to get up with a small pout on his lips. Johnny stays still, breath caught in his throat, as he takes in the color of Taeyong's hair, dyed purple and fading fast, that one scar by Taeyong's eye. But most of all, he notes the youthfulness of his skin. The one in front of him is not just any Taeyong, but the Taeyong from ten years ago.</p><p>"Taeyong?"</p><p>Taeyong tilts his head, eyebrows scrunching before gasping. "Who are you?" He grabs at his pillow, hiding behind it. "Why do you look like Johnny? Where's Johnny?"</p><p>"<em>Oh, shit</em>." Johnny says in English. He puts his hands up and reverts in Korean. "I can explain, Taeyong. It's me. I'm Johnny."</p><p>"What? No!" Taeyong makes to get off the bed. "Help! Manager! Guys!"</p><p>"Wait, Taeyong. Calm down. I'm really Johnny! I'm just older." Johnny tries to step closer to placate Taeyong, but one step forward and Taeyong shouts even louder.</p><p>Someone bursts through the door. "Taeyong!" Donghyuck says, holding a baseball bat. Doyoung's just behind him with a knife in hand.</p><p>"What's going on?" their manager pushes in, trying to avoid Doyoung and his knife.</p><p>"Hyung," Taeyong rushes to their side, hiding behind them as he points to Johnny. "Johnny's been replaced by an impostor!"</p><p>Everyone looks at what he's pointing, and Johnny stands there, with his hands in the air and hopes he doesn't look as guilty as he feels.</p><p>"What? But that's Johnny," Doyoung says.</p><p>"I don't know, something about him feels weird," Donghyuck adds.</p><p>Their manager hums. "He does look a bit different, but he also looks like Johnny."</p><p>"Uhm, I can understand you guys." Johnny clears his throat and puts his hands down, hoping it will stop making him look like a criminal. "I really am Johnny though, but, uh, I guess, I'm also not Johnny—" before anyone can protest or kick him out, he quickly adds "—at least not the Johnny you know because I'm the Johnny ten years from now."</p><p>A quiet moment passes. Johnny resists the urge to count the seconds.</p><p>"Huh?" everyone exclaims.</p><p>"Wait," their manager takes a deep breath and looks into his eyes. "Let me get this straight. You're saying you're a 37-year-old Johnny?" their manager asks.</p><p>"Can you prove that?" Doyoung asks at the same time that Donghyuck throws the question, "Do you have any way of telling us that you really are our Johnny ten years from now?"</p><p>Taeyong quietly adds, "And if you're here, then where's Johnny?"</p><p>"Uh, yes and yes? I mean, I am the 37-year-old Johnny, and I <em>can</em> prove that I'm <em>your</em> Johnny. And if you're asking me where 27-year-old Johnny is then, I think, he's in the future, ten years from now."</p><p>Another quiet second passes, only broken by their manager. "It's too early for this." He takes a deep breath. "In the meantime, Doyoung, Haechan, put your weapons down. Let's talk this out in the dining room. Taeyong, wake everyone up, and I'll watch over—" he vaguely gestures at Johnny. They take one long look at Johnny before following their manager's instruction. True to his word, their manager does not look away.</p><p>"Hyung." Johnny tries to smile at their manager. It's a face he hasn't seen in a long time. "This might sound weird, but it's nice to see you again."</p><p>Their manager quirks an eyebrow at him. "If you really are the Johnny from the future, then your statement means I'm either no longer working as a manager <em>or</em>..."</p><p>Johnny just smiles sadly at their manager.</p><p>"I see." He takes a deep breath and motions for Johnny to follow him. "Come on. You can prove yourself in the dining room, and maybe explain what you're doing here as well."</p><p>Johnny sits at his usual side of the dining table, earning a grimace from Taeyong. Everyone slowly piles up in the dining area, filling up seats. Mark and Taeil blink at him repeatedly. Johnny smiles at them and misses the warmth their eyes used to have when they looked at him. Jaehyun scrutinizes him from afar, and Jungwoo just looks confused as he stands behind Doyoung and Donghyuck. Yuta and Winwin are whispering to each other, seated beside their manager. No one sits beside Johnny. Their treatment towards Johnny hurts, but he also understands their apprehension.</p><p>When no one has spoken for a good minute, the manager takes a deep breath. "Okay, Mr. Johnny from the future. How will you prove yourself?"</p><p>"I can, uh, reveal secrets that only I would know?"</p><p>Their manager looks at the members, asking if everyone agrees. Everyone nods, some more reluctantly than others.</p><p>Johnny nods. "Okay, what's the date today?"</p><p>"Why do you need that information?" Taeyong asks defensively.</p><p>Johnny chuckles. "Just so I don't reveal anything you guys shouldn't know yet."</p><p>"Seems reasonable enough." Doyoung shrugs. "It's September 10, 2022."</p><p>"Okay, 2022." Johnny closes his eyes and thinks about what happened in that year. He remembers the SMTOWN Halloween Party, and then realizes that he shouldn't share what costumes they'll end up wearing. He starts focusing on specific events. "It's Chuseok, right?"</p><p>"Yes?" Taeil answers.</p><p>"Oh, okay, good. If it's Chuseok now, then a few months back NCT127 celebrated its 7th anniversary, right? We had a party. I remember that when the party was announced, some of the fans kind of threw hate at me and Doyoung, so Doyoung confronted me about being afraid to perform and sing during the event."</p><p>"How do you know that?" Doyoung asks, but Johnny doesn't stop talking.</p><p>"And since it's Chuseok, we were invited for the Idol Sports Special again. Jaehyun got tons of numbers from some of the girl idols, we counted them at the dorm, and we counted 7, but he told me he wasn't planning on calling any of them… and uh, Mark, I'm sorry, I have to say this, but you asked for some girl's number and you got it."</p><p>"Oh my god!" Mark shouts in English. "Dude, you weren't supposed to tell the manager that!"</p><p>"Sorry, Mark."</p><p>Their manager clears his throat. "We'll talk about that later. For now, does anyone else doubt this Johnny?" He looks at Taeyong. Taeyong turns from their manager to look Johnny in the eyes. Johnny takes a deep breath. It's so unnerving to see Taeyong look at him like that, with doubt and apprehension. He must have seen something because the suspicion in his eyes lessens.</p><p>"If you're here, then where's <em>our</em> Johnny?"</p><p>"Like I said, he's in the future."</p><p>"You said a while ago that you <em>think</em> he's in the future," Doyoung asks without really asking.</p><p>"I mean, I know he's in the future. Look. I'm the future Johnny. You think I don't know what happens to your Johnny? What he does? What he experiences? I've literally lived <em>through</em> it."</p><p>"Is he safe?" Taeyong asks, voice full of worry and fear.</p><p>Johnny can't help but smile at Taeyong, soft and full of love. He hopes no one else notices. "Yes, he's fine. He'll be fine."</p><p>Taeyong sighs in relief. Their manager does as well, although Johnny feels his relief is different from Taeyong's.</p><p>"If you've already lived through this, then does that mean you know when he comes back?" Their manager asks.</p><p>"Yes, after about five days."</p><p>Their manager takes a deep breath, closes his eyes and sighs with everything he's got. It draws a smile out of the members, and Johnny chuckles a little. Taeyong just pouts and slumps back on his seat. "I'll have to call this in. I might be gone for a while, so make sure this—" he vaguely gestures in Johnny's direction "—Johnny doesn't leave." He pulls out his phone and goes to his room.</p><p>The members crowd around the table, all looking at Johnny with wide and curious eyes.</p><p>"So you're really Johnny?" Mark asks.</p><p>"But like, older?" Donghyuck continues.</p><p>Johnny glances at each and everyone of them, noting how young everyone looks, the fact that they are still standing in front of him. His heart aches, but he smiles. "Yes, yes, I am."</p><p>Yuta chuckles and sits beside him. "Dude, I have so many questions!"</p><p>"Me too!" Jungwoo butts in.</p><p>"Wait, if you're from the future, then you know what happens to us, to NCT, right?" Jaehyun chimes in.</p><p>Johnny hopes his smile doesn't falter when he says, "I do, but I can't tell you."</p><p>The members erupt with complaints and comments such as "you're so stingy, old age doesn't look good on you" and more. Instead of hurting his pride, all it does is put a smile on his face.</p><p><em>God, I've missed this,</em> Johnny thinks.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>27</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The bright sunlight pierces through Johnny's closed eyelids, slowly forcing him to wakefulness. <em>That's weird,</em> he thinks. <em>The bed isn't anywhere near the window.</em> He tosses and turns for a while before blinking his eyes open.</p><p>The first thing Johnny notices is the large TV hanging on the wall opposite of his bed, which now that he looks at it, is king-sized.</p><p>"Oh my god." His heart races as he realizes he is in an unfamiliar room, with a space large enough to fit their dorm's living room, maybe even bigger. "I've been kidnapped," is the first answer that comes to his head, and he looks at his arms and feet to see if they're bound. He doesn't know if he's disappointed or relieved to see that they aren't. His clothes also seem to be the same from the night before, so only one night has passed.</p><p>"What the hell is going on?"</p><p>Someone knocks on the door, and Johnny freezes. He doesn't know what to say, but he doesn't seem to have to say anything as the door opens. His heart, now pounding loudly and harshly in his chest, doesn't calm down as he waits for the door to reveal his kidnapper? The assailant? Or whoever it is on the other side.</p><p>"Sorry, probably scared you by knocking, hope you don't mind that I'm just coming in like this," the voice, which sounds familiar but he can't quite place, says as the opening grows bigger and bigger. Johnny catches sight of a tray first, and then the hands holding them. He notices that one of the fingers looks oddly bent.</p><p>
  <em>Oh, shit, I've been kidnapped for sure.</em>
</p><p>He notices that the person is wearing loose white lounge pants, and then finally, he appears. When he sees the long slash on the stranger's face, an ugly thing that drags down the top of his left eyebrow to the bottom of his left eye, Johnny shouts. He scrambles for a second and almost falls off the bed, but when he gets his bearings back, the stranger just laughs.</p><p>"I'm guessing I surprised you?"</p><p>The accented English sounds familiar enough that Johnny looks up from where he's tangled in the sheets. The bright face that looks at him is not what he expected to see, but despite the scar, despite the wrinkles, Johnny would know that face anywhere.</p><p>"Taeyong?"</p><p>"Hello, Johnny."</p><p>Johnny's jaw drops. "What?"</p><p>Taeyong laughs again and walks closer. Johnny notices that the tray is full of breakfast and relaxes a little. "You probably have a lot of questions, but don't worry. I'll answer any and every one of them if I can." He smiles sweetly at Johnny, and Johnny just—he freezes.</p><p>Taeyong settles the tray in front of Johnny and sits at the edge of the bed, some inches apart from Johnny. Johnny appreciates the distance because he still doesn't understand what's going on.</p><p>Eventually, Taeyong's smile falters into a worried look. "Oh-kay." Johnny blinks when Taeyong clears his throat, not realizing that he'd somehow looked away from him. "I think I'll just clarify everything since you seem so lost. Uh, this is gonna sound really weird, but you're in the future."</p><p>"Huh? What?" Johnny shakes his head. "No, wait, did you just speak in English?"</p><p>Taeyong smiles and nods. "I-yeah, I don't really speak Korean here."</p><p>"Here? Where is here?" Johnny can't help it if he sounds a little panicked, but he hopes Taeyong, or the Taeyong from the future, understands.</p><p>"Well, to be specific, we're in California, but when I said here, I meant here in America."</p><p>"WHAT!?" Johnny jumps up the bed and looks for the nearest window. He finds a curtained one to the right of the bed and drags the curtain away to look out the view. What greets him is definitely not the packed streets of Seoul, no tall buildings in sight, and no Koreans walking the streets rushing to go to school or work. Instead, what greets him is the suburban streets of some Californian city. Cars are parked along the road, and the houses are scattered here and there. Occasionally, someone who is definitely not Korean will exit their house. "Oh my god, I'm in America."</p><p>Johnny steps back until he's seated on the bed. "I'm in America, I'm in California? And in the future?" He looks at Taeyong for some kind of help.</p><p>Taeyong nods. "Yes, that's all correct."</p><p>"Why am I here?" Johnny finally asks, the words coming together before he can even comprehend them.</p><p>The Taeyong from the future opens his mouth, and then closes it. He looks just as adorable as the Taeyong from his time when he tilts his head in confusion. "I'm not actually sure," he answers, looking a little guilty. "You, or the future you, didn't tell me."</p><p>"Wait, we're still together?"</p><p>At this, Taeyong laughs and pulls up his hand. On his left ring finger shines a simple white gold band with a small diamond in the middle. "We're married."</p><p>"Are you serious?" Johnny looks at the ring, leaning closer, and then looks at Taeyong, the warm smile on his lips, and the sincerity in his eye.</p><p>"Yes," is all he says to Johnny's technically rhetorical question, but Johnny knows, knows with all his heart, that Taeyong would never lie about this.</p><p>Johnny reaches out for Taeyong's left hand and sees the bent pointer finger. Taeyong flinches when Johnny's finger strokes it accidentally and reluctantly pulls it away.</p><p>"How did you get that injury?"</p><p>"I—uhm, I'm not ready to tell you." Taeyong takes a deep breath. "Yet."</p><p>"Is it the same reason that you have that scar?"</p><p>Taeyong nods, avoiding Johnny's gaze. His hand goes up to feel the end of his scar, just below his lower lash line. There's an unreadable expression on his face, one that Johnny has never seen on Taeyong's face before.</p><p>"Oh." Johnny tries to look away, but he realizes that because of the scar, only Taeyong's right eye is open and functioning. "Does it hurt?"</p><p>Taeyong looks taken aback by the question but shakes his head. "It stopped hurting a long time ago. My finger though," he raises his left hand, "still hurts sometimes, especially on cold days."</p><p>"Oh." Johnny avoids looking at the injuries, unsure of how to handle the situation. That's when he notices the house they're in. It looks homey, but it also looks like it came straight out of a catalogue—<em>or an Airbnb listing</em>, he thinks. "Do we live here?"</p><p>"Oh, no. We live, in uh, we actually live in Chicago, but we, I mean, Johnny, future Johnny? Anyway, we decided it might be better to rent a place far from Chicago, so you won't ask any unnecessary questions and can’t find out things you're not allowed to know."</p><p>"Does this mean," Johnny looks at Taeyong and swallows thickly, "my parents finally know about us?"</p><p>"Well, we had to tell them at some point, but don't worry, and I am allowed to tell this to you, but they were very supportive." Taeyong reaches out and holds Johnny's hand. He's smiling at Johnny, soft and warm, still the same smile that's captivated Johnny all these years. "You don't have much to be afraid of."</p><p>Somehow, that lifts some of the heaviness in Johnny's chest. He smiles at Taeyong, and then he realizes, "Wait, then how long am I gonna be stuck here?"</p><p>"Five days?"</p><p>Johnny may or may not have fainted.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>37</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>"Do we win a Daesang in 2021?" Donghyuck asks, another question to add to the long list of questions he's asked Johnny in the past few days.</p><p>Johnny laughs it off again, just as he always does when he knows he can't and shouldn't answer the question. "It doesn't matter if you keep changing how you phrase it, Hyuckie. I know what you're doing."</p><p>"Damn it."</p><p>The door to their dorm closes, and their manager walks in looking a little haggard. There's a frown on his face, and everyone instinctively gathers in the living room waiting to hear what he has to say.</p><p>"I just got back from an emergency meeting with Lee Sooman, Kim Youngmin, and the other board of directors. They said that since it's just for a week, and since you're all already on vacation, we'll just lay low for now. No one, absolutely no one, is allowed to go outside without prior permission, especially Johnny. And if you guys do get permission to go out, always make sure that someone is left behind with Johnny."</p><p>Johnny nods his assent.</p><p>"As for your food and groceries, you guys can still have food delivered, but <em>ahjumma</em> will still be coming over and will be cooking everyday. You all just have to make sure that she doesn't catch sight of Johnny. If you guys have any more questions, now's the time to ask them."<br/>
Taeyong looks around at the members, but when no one seems to have any questions, he says, "I think we're good for now. If we think of something, hyung, we'll just ask you."</p><p>Their manager nods. "Okay, I'm gonna take a nap. Wake me up when ahjumma drops by to cook. Thanks, Taeyong." He pats Taeyong on the shoulder and goes to his room. The rest of the members scatter, but Donghyuck goes back to Johnny's side, and Mark follows after. From the corner of his eye, Johnny catches Taeyong keep a careful eye over him. He tries not to feel too bothered by the fact that Taeyong doesn't seem to trust him.</p><p>"If you won't answer our questions, then what can you tell us?"</p><p>Johnny hums and pretends to think about it. "That's a pretty good question."</p><p>"Hyung, why does your Korean sound so... off?" Mark asks, somewhat out of the blue.</p><p>That seems to catch Taeyong's attention as he walks closer to the living room, hanging around close enough to hear their conversation. Johnny pretends he doesn't notice. He looks at Mark and thinks about his answer. "I—well, that's probably because I've been speaking English a lot lately in my time. Is my Korean really that bad?"</p><p>"Not really, but it's more accented," Doyoung answers instead as he stops by the living room. "But anyway, if you're really future Johnny, then we have to talk to you about something. Come." He grabs Johnny by the wrist, and then reaches for Taeyong with his other hand. He pushes them into the biggest room, the one shared by him and Donghyuck.</p><p>Doyoung takes a seat on one of the beds, and then Johnny realizes he is face to face with Taeil, Yuta and Doyoung in the same way back when he and Taeyong first told them that they were going out. "Well, if this isn't nostalgic," Taeyong whispers with a soft chuckle.</p><p>"Okay, let's cut to the chase," Yuta says, looking far too serious, with his elbows on his knees, and his hands threaded together so he can rest his chin on it. "If you really, <em>truly</em> are our Johnny, then what is your relationship with our Taeyong here?"</p><p>Taeil and Doyoung nod behind him. Johnny, despite knowing the answer to the question, feels oddly unsure of what to answer.</p><p>"Uhm, we are definitely lovers in this time."</p><p>Taeyong whips his head to look at him. "This time? What do you mean by that?"</p><p>"Does that mean you and Taeyong aren't going out anymore?" Taeil asks.</p><p>"Did you dump Taeyong?"</p><p>"Did Taeyong dump you?"</p><p>"What happened?"</p><p>Everyone throws him one question after another that Johnny has a hard time keeping up. "Wait, uh, I actually can't answer that question, sorry." He tries to give them a sheepish smile, but all it does is make them even more suspicious.</p><p>"You've been pretty tightlipped about everything since you've been here," Doyoung comments. "Is there a reason for that? Because you're looking like someone we really can't trust at this point."</p><p>Johnny sighs heavily and leans back on the wall. "Look, I really can't share a lot of information about the future with you guys. For one thing, it could affect the future <em>I</em> am living in, <em>my</em> present. It could also change your futures. So, let's say, hypothetically, I tell you guys that this situation happened, it might end up not happening, and then I could ruin time and space continuum or something. Don't you guys watch time travel movies?" Taeyong opens his mouth to comment but sighs deeply instead and takes a seat beside Doyoung.</p><p>"Is there anything you can tell us, anything at all?"</p><p>"Actually, there are a few things I can tell you."</p><p>"And?"</p><p>"Ten years from now, you'll all hold a birthday party." Johnny smiles pretty smugly at being able to come up with that. It wasn't technically a lie. He knows everyone in this room did hold a birthday party event in Korea, last he checked... except for Taeyong who spent his birthday party at their home, with their parents.</p><p>Everyone deflates at what he's just said. Doyoung sighs deeply and stands up. "Well, we tried. Just to remind you, the other kids don't know you're dating. Only we do. Not even the manager knows, and we've been doing our best to keep this a secret, okay? So that means you have to be really careful not to let that slip, okay?"</p><p>"Yes, Doyoung, I got it."</p><p>"Okay, good. Well, I'm gonna go out and wait for <em>ahjumma</em>, so I can help her with prepping for our meals."</p><p>Doyoung walks out, and Yuta and Taeil get into a whispered conversation. Taeyong is half listening and half stealing glances at him. Johnny clears his throat.</p><p>"About where I sleep, since I will be here for a week..."</p><p>"Oh, good point," Taeil says.</p><p>"I think it's fine if you stay in your room," Yuta suggests. "You're still the same size as our Johnny, so you can borrow his clothes too if you want to shower."</p><p>"That'd be really great, thanks. I was just thinking that I really needed a shower." Johnny trudges to the closets at the end of the room. Yuta and Taeil leave, but Taeyong stays and watches over Johnny. Johnny shivers at the weight of Taeyong's gaze.</p><p>"Is this as weird for you as it is for me?" Taeyong asks once the door's closed and Johnny's bent inside his closet looking for something comfortable to wear.</p><p>"I guess I didn't really think of it like that." Johnny grabs some loose shorts and a thin, oversized, cotton shirt. It's pretty warm seeing as the season's still transitioning from summer to fall. He faces Taeyong when he answers, "I told you, I've lived through what the current Johnny is going through, so it didn't really bother me. I kind of had an idea of how I would approach things, but I guess you're right that this is pretty weird for you, considering I am your boyfriend right now, and in the future... you don't really know where we stand."</p><p>Taeyong bites his lower lip. "But you do."</p><p>"And like I said, I can't confirm nor deny it."</p><p>Taeyong takes a few deep breaths. He grips onto the sheet, almost holding onto them for dear life. "Does this mean we break up in the future?"</p><p>"What? Wait, no, I mean, I can't answer that. I was being vague on purpose! Taeyong, oh my god, relax." Johnny drops the clothes in his hands and falls to his knees in front of Taeyong.</p><p>"Why do you have to be so vague? Why can't you just tell me? Is it really so bad that I know?"</p><p>Johnny bites his lip. Taeyong is looking at him with wide, pitiful eyes, and it's been so long since he's seen Taeyong look like this. The things they've gone through together have hardened the Taeyong he knows, that the innocence in the eyes of this Taeyong makes him weak, so weak. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. He remembers the promise he made with Taeyong, that he wouldn't give in to the Taeyong in front of him, no matter what.</p><p>"I'm sorry, I really can't tell you. I promise that I have a good reason, and that you'll thank me for keeping it a secret."</p><p>Taeyong looks into his eyes and frowns. "Okay." He loosens his hold of the sheets. "Okay. I guess, if you're this adamant on not spilling the beans, then you have a pretty good reason for it."</p><p>"Thank you, for not pushing."</p><p>Taeyong sighs. "You're welcome, I guess. But I suggest you do think about more things you can tell us. I'm pretty sure the other guys won't just fall for your 'I promise I have a good reason' excuse."</p><p>"Ouch, really hitting me where it hurts, huh."</p><p>Taeyong shrugs. "If we're broken up ten years from now, I might as well make it hurt in case it didn't hurt when we broke up."</p><p>Johnny just laughs it off. <em>If only you knew,</em> he can't help but think. "Anyway, I'm gonna go ahead and shower." Johnny takes one last look at Taeyong's face, frown marring his features. Despite this, he still looks beautiful. It's been a while since he's seen Taeyong look like this, without the scar on his eye, without the pain and the trauma he's had to heal from to weigh him down. The Taeyong in front of him only has his dreams, NCT, and their relationship.</p><p>Taeyong turns to see Johnny staring at him. "What?"</p><p>Johnny's heart skips a beat, and he immediately gets up and grabs his clothes.</p><p>Johnny uses his time in the shower to somewhat strategize what he'll do during the week. After all, he's here for a reason, and he wants to make the most of it. He also starts thinking about what kind of things about the future he can say. He makes a mental list of things to do, making sure to think about activities that include all the members, and hopefully, during those times he can sneak in some time to placate Taeyong somehow. Once he's dressed and relaxed, he puts his plan into action.</p><p>Johnny gathers everyone in the living room, much to the annoyance of Doyoung who was just about to lie down. "Since I only have a week here, I thought we could spend that time hanging out and playing games."</p><p>"Does that mean we get to ask you more questions about the future?" Jungwoo asks, eyes shining with mischief.</p><p>"No, definitely not," before anyone can boo him out of the living room, Johnny quickly adds, "but I've thought about a bunch of things I can tell you guys about the future that will definitely not disrupt the time-space continuum as we know it. Or, at least I think it won't, maybe, hopefully."</p><p>"Okay, cool, before we think about agreeing with your plan, tell us one thing about the future." Donghyuck crosses his arms and smirks. Johnny assumes he might be thinking he's got the upper hand.</p><p>"Next year, you'll buy the new iPhone." Donghyuck starts to say something before closing his mouth. Taeil laughs, and it's Jaehyun who says, "Okay, that's pretty clever."</p><p>Doyoung sighs. "If everyone's satisfied by knowing about that kind of future, are we just gonna do what future Johnny's saying?"</p><p>Winwin shrugs and looks at Yuta. "It might be fun," Yuta adds.</p><p>Taeyong sighs. "Okay, so what kind of activities did you have in mind?"</p><p>"What about a good old game of mafia?"</p><p>"Oh, wow, we haven't played that in a while," Mark comments. "I'm down."</p><p>"Let's get it!" Johnny cheers and everyone shouts in unison. They settle in a circle in the living room and assign Doyoung as moderator, seeing as he's still a little lazy to take the first round seriously.</p><p>The game is a pretty good suggestion as everyone gets immersed into their roles. Even Taeyong lets loose and joins in the fun of accusing whoever as mafia. Johnny, in the moment that he spends laughing and playing with the members, forgets that he's from ten years from now. All he has is this, NCT, Taeyong and his dreams.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>27</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong hands Johnny his order of In n' Out burger and a large coke. Johnny figures he can cheat on his diet for today.</p><p>"Are you sure I can't go out?" Johnny asks before taking a bite out of his burger.</p><p>Taeyong hums. "We're just being cautious for now. It's not just the people we're avoiding, you know? We have to be careful that you don't accidentally find out something you shouldn't know about the future."</p><p>"Right. Hopefully, I can go out, even if just for a day. It would really suck to have to stay in this house while I'm here. We haven't flown to America yet this year, but management thinks we'll go around Winter time, but even that's not sure yet."</p><p>"You really like it here, huh?" Taeyong's smiling at him fondly, and Johnny tries not to choke on his burger as that smile gets his heart racing.</p><p>"I—yeah, it's, I know America is pretty big, and I'm from Chicago, but even if I'm in a different state, it still feels home, you know?" Johnny quickly looks away, trying not to feel guilty because he feels like he's cheating on <em>his</em> Taeyong.</p><p>"Yeah, I had a feeling. You were always just so happy being here, even if it wasn't Chicago exactly, but every time we landed in America, it was like you were glowing, like you are right now." Taeyong's smile softens, but he's not looking at Johnny. Johnny wonders for a moment what Taeyong can see, what Taeyong remembers when he's looking at him.</p><p>"What about you? Are you happy here? I know this isn't home for you, and I still don't exactly know why we—you?—ended up here."</p><p>Taeyong freezes. "I, well, it's kind of related to how I got my injuries." He keeps his eyes on his burger, meekly biting into it.</p><p>Johnny feels bad for somehow overstepping his bounds, but he can't help it when he asks, "But you'll tell me right?"</p><p>"Yeah," Taeyong says with a heavy sigh. And with a little determination in his eye, he looks deep into Johnny's. "I have to."</p><p>Johnny swallows the large bite of burger and almost chokes. He doesn't know what Taeyong has to say, but with how secretive he is about his injuries, and how it seems to have affected their life, he knows that it's not a story filled with rainbows and sunshine. He quickly washes down the blockage in his throat and nods.</p><p>"So, uh, did Johnny—me? I?—ever tell you why we switched places? Or why we're time traveling?" He asks in hopes of somehow lightening the mood, or changing the subject.</p><p>It seems to do the trick as Taeyong smiles. "Not exactly. All Johnny told me, and from what I can remember, was that you were both at a place in your life where you wanted to see the future and he needed to go back to the past. And once the week was up, he would be back to me, and you would be back to your Taeyong."</p><p>"Wow, I sound awfully romantic." Johnny cringes, but that seems to brighten up Taeyong's mood.</p><p>"You've always been a romantic, and you and I both know that." There's a smug look on Taeyong's face, and it's not as if he's lying.</p><p>"Kinda hard to believe I'm still a romantic ten years from now." Taeyong sighs wistfully with a soft smile playing on his lips. "It's one of the things I love about you."</p><p>Johnny gets the feeling that Taeyong's thinking of all the romantic things that future Johnny's done for him. The idea that he can still make Taeyong feel like this makes him blush, but it also makes him look forward to this time, to living long enough that he and Taeyong are married, and every day, they get the chance to choose each other.</p><p>Taeyong's smile doesn't wither for the rest of the day, and it's bright enough that Johnny strays away from the heavier questions about their life and sticks to lighter ones. If he throws in a joke or two to make Taeyong laugh, then that's just an added bonus.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>37</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>"You should just try it." Johnny hears Doyoung say as he walks past Taeyong's bedroom. When he peaks into the open door, he finds that both Doyoung and Taeyong are talking. "If you keep pestering him with nonsense questions, I'm sure he's bound to slip up."</p><p>Johnny's eyes widen at a possible problem coming his way, and he quickly makes his way back to his room so that both Doyoung and Taeyong don't see him.</p><p>"Damn." He plops down on the bed and thinks of what to do. His stay has been going smoothly so far. The members have asked him all sorts of questions, and he's done well to deflect some of the more telling ones. He's also shared all kinds of trivial information about the future that seems to have worked in his favor, for the most part. "Doyoung's right though," he mutters to himself. <em>It's only a matter of time before I slip up.</em> He clicks his tongue.</p><p>Johnny has only been here for three days. He still has a few more days left, and it's crucial that he doesn't reveal anything too jarring. "I'm gonna have to start being more careful now of what I say."</p><p>Which is easier said than done. If it was just Taeyong, Johnny might be able to deflect or come up with an excuse, but trying to change the subject when all the members are asking him ten different things at once is a difficult task.</p><p>"So what do you think future me is doing right now?" Taeyong asks, and Johnny has to bite back a reply.</p><p>Their conversation is thankfully cut short when Taeil pops in and asks, "What about me?"</p><p>"And me!" Jungwoo pipes in.</p><p>Soon everyone is asking Johnny what he thinks everyone is doing ten years from now. He tries to hide how sad that question makes him feel and deflects it as soon as possible with "I don't know" and "I can't tell you, you know that."</p><p>For the most part, Johnny doesn't have a hard time replying "I don't know" to a lot of the questions, especially when the members are the ones asking. It's the questions about Taeyong that make him slip. And the members seem to be noticing this as well.</p><p>"Does Taeyong still dance?" Donghyuck asks when Johnny appears in the kitchen for breakfast on his fourth day.</p><p>"Of course!" Johnny slaps a hand to his mouth, but it's too late. Donghyuck's smirk of triumph is sign enough that Donghyuck has won this round.</p><p>"Interesting."</p><p>Johnny's heart starts racing as he looks back at Donghyuck with what he thinks is a shocked and scared look. Donghyuck just keeps smirking at him, and then he laughs. "You should see your face, hyung." He opens his mouth to say something else, but something catches his attention. He leans closer towards Johnny and looks at his hand.</p><p>Johnny follows Donghyuck's gaze to his ring finger, the gold band glistening from the golden hour. "Hyung," Donghyuck's tone is a mix of wonder and disbelief. "Are you married?"</p><p>Despite Donghyuck's tone being conversational, it seems to draw the attention of everyone else at the dorm, everyone else being Doyoung, Taeyong, and the few stragglers such as Jaehyun and Yuta. They peek into the living room, whispering things like, "married?", "He has a ring?", "How come we didn't see that?!"</p><p>Johnny's jaw falls open, and he quickly hides his left hand from prying eyes. He'd been here for a few days and no one noticed, so he completely forgot about his ring. "I—"</p><p>"How are you married?" Jaehyun asks, a hint of suspicion underlying his tone.</p><p>Johnny swallows and tries to come up with an excuse.</p><p>"What do you mean how?" Donghyuck counters. "Maybe hyung met someone he really wanted to marry and the company allowed him. If Chen-hyung can do it, right?" Donghyuck turns back to Johnny. "But hyung, are you really married?"</p><p>Johnny can't help it, but his eyes gravitate towards Taeyong, silently asking for help, but the look on Taeyong's face pains him even more. Taeyong's lips tremble, and his eyes are shining with unshed tears. Johnny bites his lip. He knows he's been too quiet long enough that any further denial will not work. <em>Maybe if I don't elaborate on who my spouse is, it won't really change anything.</em></p><p>"Yes," he finally says, a breath he'd been holding on for too long needing to be let out.</p><p>"Congratulations!" Donghyuck says cheerfully, hugging Johnny in earnest. Johnny watches as Taeyong softly gasps and walks away. Doyoung glares at Johnny and follows after. The rest of the members in the room look at each other, unsure of what to do. Jaehyun and Donghyuck bombard him with questions. Yuta and Taeil eye him suspiciously, but don't stop the questions. They spend the rest of the night asking Johnny about married life, his spouse and whatever else they can think of. Taeyong comes out once, at around dinnertime, and right when Yuta asks, "Are they pretty?"</p><p>"The prettiest in the world." Johnny thinks of his Taeyong in his time, his smile, the way he rubs his eye in the morning to bring himself awake. "No one else in the world can compare." Johnny looks up to see the look of panic and fear on Taeyong's face before he's walking away and going back to his room.</p><p>The wolf whistles and cheers of the members fade out, and all he hears is the slam of Taeyong's bedroom door. Johnny swallows thickly. He looks back at Taeyong one last time before turning to face the rest of his friends. There are smiles on their faces. They're laughing at how much of romantic Johnny still is. Taeil's suspicious eyes have gone, and in them is one of curiosity and affection. Yuta's playing along with Donghyuck's and Jaehyun's interrogation. Mark, Winwin and Jungwoo have joined them for dinner after Donghyuck told them about Johnny's relationship status.</p><p>Johnny forces the smile on his lips and stays seated. <em>I'm here for a reason</em>, he thinks to himself. And as Jungwoo starts asking for dating tips, Johnny pushes Taeyong to the very back of his mind.</p><p>When Johnny starts answering with "I don't know" and "I can't tell you," the rest of the members finally give up with their interrogation. It is just as well because the constant stream of questioning and Johnny having to think carefully about his answers has tired him out. He says as much to everyone.</p><p>"You're really like an old man," Mark comments, stopping by his room before going back to their dorm.</p><p>"Ha-ha, very funny, Mark, good night!"</p><p>"Good night!"</p><p>Taeyong enters the room, probably out of habit, and looks surprised for a second. He pretends to laugh at Johnny who's almost passed out to disguise his mistake. "Are you not used to doing so much anymore?"</p><p>It sounds like a passing question, and Johnny thinks Taeyong isn't asking because he's curious, but Johnny still pauses and mulls over his reply.</p><p>"I'm pretty sure its just because I'm thirty-seven years old, and doesn't have anything to do with the kind of activities I do on a daily basis." Taeyong hums in neither agreement or disagreement. He watches Johnny for a second before taking a sit at the edge of Donghyuck's bed.</p><p>"Why are you here?" But it sounds more like, <em>If you're happily married, why are you here?</em></p><p>Johnny wants to pretend like he doesn't understand what Taeyong's asking, but the words don't come out even as he opens his mouth to say them. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath instead. No one has asked him why he's in this time, except now, so he's not quite sure what to answer.</p><p>"I can't, I can't really tell you that either." He hears Taeyong's exasperated sigh, but before Taeyong can cut him off, he continues, "But what I can tell you is that, in the future, something will happen and that will make me miss this time and these moments <em>a lot</em>."</p><p>Taeyong scoffs, and there's a frown on his face that tugs at Johnny's heartstrings. Without really noticing, he scoots over to be closer to Taeyong.</p><p>"I'm guessing we really broke up, huh?" Taeyong whispers.</p><p>Johnny wants to laugh at that thought. After everything he and Taeyong have been through, he can't imagine giving up on their relationship, not now, not ever. He understands that the Taeyong in front of him has his own worries, and he feels a little guilty that he can't reassure him.</p><p>"You know I can't confirm nor deny that."</p><p>Taeyong sighs heavily.</p><p>"Here lie down with me."</p><p>Taeyong chuckles. "I don't think my Johnny would like that."</p><p>Johnny shrugs. "I'm sure he won't mind." <em>Actually, he might, but he's not here, so it's okay</em>, is what Johnny thinks.</p><p>Taeyong looks at him suspiciously before joining him on the bed.</p><p>"This is going to sound really cheesy, but you have to think of it like this. If I tell you guys things about the future, then you have the ability to change not only those things, but you can change my present. I know I said that there was a reason for me to be here, but it has nothing to do with changing my life or changing your lives. I just, I just want—needed to be here, that's really all it is." Johnny tries to meet Taeyong's eyes, so his words will come across better, but Taeyong resolutely looks up at the ceiling.</p><p>"That sounds really selfish," Taeyong points out, his tone more obstinate than reflective.</p><p>Johnny chuckles. "You're right, sorry about that. But let's see." He turns to look at what Taeyong's looking at and remembers how they used to share a bunk bed and how he used to kick up his feet to annoy Taeyong on days they were fighting or to make Taeyong notice him on cold winter nights. "Wouldn't you rather see for yourself how strong your relationship is with your Johnny? Wouldn't you rather see how far you or he is willing to go for your relationship, for each other? If I told you that we broke up somewhere along the way, wouldn't you just want to break up as soon as he got back? Or if I told you that we were still together now, wouldn't that make you or him complacent in your relationship? And who knows, because you were so complacent, you guys would break up anyway. The future is not as secure as you think it is, Taeyong."</p><p>Taeyong looks at him, his eyes filled with frustration and his lips downturned. Johnny wishes he could kiss it away, but he knows the Johnny of ten years before would not allow that. <em>Technically, he'd also hate me for hurting Taeyong like this</em>, he thinks as an afterthought. He really hopes his Taeyong and the Johnny from ten years before are doing better.</p><p>"You see, whenever you say things like that, I feel like we're going to break up some time in the future. It makes me think that Johnny's love for me might have weakened or that—that something happens that we can't overcome and that scares me so badly, Johnny. You don't understand how hard this is for me and how much this hurts me. And you're supposed to be my Johnny ten years from now, but you can't even, you can't even give me the comfort that I need, the reassurance that <em>my Johnny</em> would have been able to give me." Taeyong groans and gets up from the bed. He doesn't say anything as he exits their room and starts shouting for Doyoung.</p><p>When some time has passed, Johnny gets up and decides to check on Taeyong. Doyoung opens the door before Johnny is halfway through the room. He closes the door gently behind him, giving Johnny the nastiest glare that could compete with the last glare that he'd seen from Doyoung.</p><p>"He's asleep, after crying to me about your 'philosophical bullshit.'" Doyoung crosses his arms, and Johnny winces as it intensifies his guilt.</p><p>"Look, Doyoung, you know I can't tell you or him anything."</p><p>"Why? Why is it so hard to just tell him whether you're still together or not? That's literally all he's asking for," Doyoung almost shouts. He sighs and pulls Johnny into a corner of the room so no one can hear them.</p><p>"You and I both know that's not all he's going to get if I tell him what happens to us ten years from now. It's also not going to be the last of the questions. It's not as easy as you guys make it sound. You could be ruining my present."</p><p>"But this is <em>our</em> present you're in now! This is <em>our</em> present that you're affecting!"</p><p>Johnny doesn't know how to respond to that. Doyoung has a point, but he also doesn't really know what he's talking about. Johnny has lived through this time, has been back from the future and lived through the years ahead, lived through a time to get to where he is now. He just wishes people could understand where he's coming from.</p><p>"What is it about the future that has got you so secretive? You used to be really open to us, you know? Or don't you remember that?"</p><p>The comment cuts deep, but he takes it in stride, partly because Doyoung has a hit a sore spot, but also because he doesn't get to talk to Doyoung like this anymore. Doyoung doesn't get a chance to scream at him or scold him because they don't really talk anymore.</p><p>Johnny doesn't know how he says it, but the words come out before he can stop himself. "Trust me, you don't want to know."</p><p>Doyoung scoffs. "You're impossible." He walks away, back to his room, leaving Johnny standing in the corner, unsure of what to do now. He was here for a reason, but now, he's not so sure.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>27</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>"Johnny."</p><p>Johnny blinks up to find Taeyong hovering over him. He's gotten used to seeing Taeyong with the scar on his face. At first, he was surprised by it, but now it doesn't even bother him.</p><p>"What's up?" he asks, rubbing his eyes and holding back a yawn.</p><p>"You still wanna go out?" There's a small smile playing on Taeyong's lips, but if Johnny had paid better attention, he would have noticed how they were tinged with a sad emotion.</p><p>"Hell yeah!"</p><p>"Okay, get ready. I left you some clothes. I'll wait for you downstairs." Taeyong leaves with little fanfare, and Johnny gets up to shower.</p><p>He's been here for practically 4 days, and he knows, because Taeyong told him, that tomorrow he finally gets to go home. He just doesn't know how. He's too hung up about going home that he doesn't realize that Taeyong's finally allowing him to go out of the house until he's out of the shower.</p><p>He's drying his hair when he catches Taeyong sitting on a couch in the living room, thumbs twiddling on his lap. There's an eyepatch on his left eye, enough that it covers most of his scar, but the ends of it still peak through.</p><p>"Why are you letting me out? Is everything okay?"</p><p>"Oh, you're ready." Taeyong laughs nervously. "I figured you were bored out of your mind with just the two of us. I've scouted the area, and I've walked alone for most of the week, and no one seems to have noticed who I am. I could probably help you avoid any parts of the city that might give you some kind of information about the future, so I think it's safe for you to go out now," Taeyong says in a rush while avoiding meeting his eyes.</p><p>"Are you okay?"</p><p>"Yeah, I'm just. I'm fine." Taeyong takes a deep breath and gives Johnny a reassuring smile. But it comes out a lot more strained in Johnny's opinion. But if Taeyong's adamant to brush his worry aside, Johnny will reserve his questions for later. "You ready?"</p><p>"Yeah. So where are we going?"</p><p>The question seems to help distract Taeyong as he talks about taking Johnny out to eat lunch, and then going around a park. Johnny listens as intently as he can while listing down a thousand questions he wants to ask. They get into the car, and Taeyong starts driving out of the area, following his GPS on his phone as he drives to what Johnny can read to be a diner.</p><p>"Have you eaten there before?" Johnny asks because it's gotten awfully quiet in the car.</p><p>"At this diner?" Taeyong chuckles. "Yeah, we love this place. We make it a tradition to go to this branch of diners whenever we go to different states."</p><p>"That's pretty cute." Johnny smiles a little at that knowledge. With every anecdote he gets of his and Taeyong's future, he can't help but feel giddy at how they've managed to stay so sweet.</p><p>"Their food's pretty phenomenal as well."</p><p>Johnny fills the silence with questions about the future, that mostly gets shut down. Sometimes, Taeyong will just change the subject entirely, talking about this or that, things that don't necessarily concern the both of them, like the weather, or how he saw a dog on his way to get groceries the other day.</p><p>When Johnny realizes it, they've exited the long roads of the freeway, Taeyong taking an exit he hasn't seen before. Then again, Johnny can't say he recalls the streets of California, or even Los Angeles that well. He takes in the sights of buildings and stores packed closely on every block. There are people walking along the sidewalk, some of them going in and out of the stores. Some of the stores are cafes and restaurants, possible chains he's never heard of before.</p><p>Taeyong takes a peak at the GPS, signalling him that he's quite close to his destination. "In 300 meters, turn right at Mary's Diner's Parking Lot." Taeyong follows, and Johnny looks around the street. The restaurant—Mary's Diner—is the only establishment at the corner of the street. It's parking lot, Johnny presumes, is at the back of the restaurant. Across from it is the entrance to a park, it's gates wide open and parking space filled with cars. Parents with children or people with their dogs walk out and go further into the park to enjoy the offers of the park. Johnny squints his eyes to try and see a playground but it's quite some distance away. When Taeyong takes the turn, the park disappears from Johnny's sight, and he takes in the amusing appearance of the restaurant.</p><p>Mary's Diner is written in fanciful, red script, placed on all sides of the roof, to show everyone from any and all angles what restaurant it is. Red, white and blue lines twirl across at edges of the roof and line practically every inch of the restaurant. It reminds Johnny of a barber shop rather than a diner.</p><p>"Are you sure this isn't a barber shop?"</p><p>Taeyong laughs softly. "Johnny said the same thing the first time he saw it when we first moved back to Chicago. There's a story to that, but," Taeyong gives him a secretive smile, "that's not for you to know." He chuckles at Johnny's dejected expression. "Come on. The food is much better than you think."</p><p>The place is packed, but for their party of two, it's easy enough to find them a table. It looks like any kind of diner Johnny has seen in movies, oddly reminiscent of the cushioned chairs from IHOP, but it maintains the red, blue and white theme.</p><p>No one pays them much attention, but a few kids look at Taeyong and point to his eyepatch. One child passes by them and asks if Taeyong's a pirate. The mother looks flustered, but before she can apologize, Taeyong gives a fake "arr" crooking his finger into that of a hook, causing the kid to burst out laughing. The mother thanks them for their kindness and pushes her kid away.</p><p>"Do you always wear an eyepatch when you're out?" Johnny can't help asking.</p><p>"Yup. It's much easier to pretend to be a pirate than to answer why I can't open my left eye." Taeyong shrugs. Johnny can tell that it doesn't bother him. "But you don't wear it around future me, right?" Taeyong smiles softly, and it's almost wistful when he says, "Yeah. He's taught me how to accept it as a part of me."</p><p>Johnny's heart skips a beat. He wonders if he'll ever reach that point. He knows he does, considering this is his future, but he can't imagine being mature enough to say something like that. <em>Maybe it will help if I knew what caused them</em>. Before he can elaborate on the thought, their food arrives.</p><p>Johnny isn't sure how, but they spend lunch entirely focused on their food. Taeyong shares a few more anecdotes, mostly food related. Johnny can't really find it in himself to ask about Taeyong's scar when Taeyong's all smiles and laughters sharing all these cute stories about his favorite order from Mary's Diner. He finishes his own meal, which was pretty good if he were honest, and then Taeyong pays.</p><p>"Where to now?" Johnny asks as they exit the diner. It's still early afternoon, with the sun high in the sky.</p><p>Taeyong takes a deep breath and pulls Johnny towards the park. "Let's take a walk." Once Johnny's walking right beside him, Taeyong lets his hand go. "The real reason I asked you out is because, I think it's time to answer the question I've been trying to brush off, but I didn't wanna do it at the house."</p><p>Johnny's heart starts to race as he follows Taeyong to the park's entrances. Once they get past the parking area, Johnny finds the playground where children are laughing and running to their right. Taeyong glances at the children but keeps walking the path ahead of them, leading them towards a part of the park where the trees grow thicker. Johnny barely sees anyone around, but he finds some of them resting on the benches scattered here and there. Taeyong keeps walking until they come into a small clearing where a bench sits in the middle. There isn't much space for the sun to pass through the thick leaves, but it's quiet enough that they can't hear any of the people in the playground.</p><p>Taeyong surveys the area before taking a seat at the bench. When Johnny stays standing, feet planted on the path, he smiles softly and pats the space beside him. "Johnny."</p><p>Johnny takes a deep breath and occupies the space beside Taeyong.</p><p>"What I'm about to tell you is going to be difficult to hear, but Johnny, you have to promise me that you will listen to everything I have to say before saying and doing anything, okay?" He reaches out and squeezes Johnny's hand. When Johnny looks into his eye, all he sees is the desperation in it. He nods, afraid of what he'll say if he opens his mouth to speak.</p><p>"I don't quite remember how it happened, but a few months into my conscription, someone found out that I was gay, that you and I were dating." Taeyong shivers as he recounts the memories, and Johnny has to bite his lip to keep from commenting. "And you know how the South Korean military doesn't accept gay men into their service, right?" Taeyong smiles sadly and looks ahead. "Word got around pretty fast, and as soon as it got out, my squad caused an uproar. Some of them started beating me up, and it got pretty bad. I don't remember who it is, but someone stabbed in me in the eye, which is how I got the scar, and someone broke my finger." Taeyong stops walking and takes a few deep breaths.</p><p>Johnny immediately wraps his arms around Taeyong. "God, Taeyong, you don't have to tell me anymore. It's okay, I get it." Taeyong sniffs but wraps his arms around Johnny. "No, you have to hear this, this isn't where it stops." It comes out muffled as he says it into Johnny's chest, but Johnny can hear him loud and clear.</p><p>"There's more?" Johnny's voice trembles as he asks.</p><p>Taeyong's tears wet his shirt, but his voice is strong when he says, "There is a <em>lot</em> more."</p><p>Johnny freezes. He doesn't know if he wants to listen to any more of this, but maybe, just maybe, Johnny has to hear this. He sniffles and wipes his face. He finds Taeyong's hand amidst all this pain and finds comfort in holding it. "What happens after that?"</p><p>"I—I'm not really sure because after I got beaten up, I was apparently unconscious for a week. All I know is what I've been told. Because I'd gotten severely injured, there had to be an investigation within my squad. It was revealed that I was gay, and I got kicked out of my military service. And then, I'm not sure, but SM did their best to try and cover for me for a while, but there was also backlash from a lot of people like how could I not serve the military just because I was gay, but it wasn't as if the army would take me back." Taeyong scoffs at that, but Johnny squeezes his hand for support. Taeyong gives him a sad smile. Johnny's heart is beating so loudly as he thinks of his Taeyong going through this and the kind of pain he must have been in.</p><p>"It was chaos, but around the time that I woke up, someone from Dispatch posted an article saying that my boyfriend was from within NCT, and that's when things became really messy. I was getting a lot of threats by then, and there was a lot of speculation within the group, so Johnny and I had to confess to Lee Sooman and everyone else that we were dating. The solution that they could come up with was that I leave NCT and leave SM, but," Taeyong pauses and smiles. "But you wouldn't allow that. Eventually, you called your mom and asked for help. We talked to a few lawyers and decided to leave together and go to America. We left SM a week after that. And as soon as the doctors deemed me safe enough to fly, we flew to Chicago. We got married a few months after that for my citizenship."</p><p>Johnny doesn't realize he's crying until Taeyong wipes his tears away. "God, Taeyong, how, why?"</p><p>"You're not making much sense, Johnny," Taeyong says with a laugh, but he's starting to cry too.</p><p>Johnny pulls Taeyong into his arms. "Is this why I'm here? To stop this? To hear this and to stop it from happening?"</p><p>Taeyong shakes his head. "No, Johnny, don't. <em>Please</em>. I know it's hard to accept, and it's difficult to see, but this is the best outcome for you and me, for us. You have to let this happen, and you're gonna have to be there for your Taeyong every minute of the day after shit goes down, but you will make it through, you guys will power through everything because you have each other."</p><p>"I can't, Taeyong." Johnny tightens his hold on Taeyong. He can see his Taeyong now, smiling, his eyes practically crescents, but filled with so much happiness, no trace of pain. "I don't want that for Taeyong, please, don't let it happen." Johnny cries into Taeyong's shoulder, and Taeyong holds him as he lets out the fear and the pain that awaits their future.</p><p>"Look at me, Johnny." Taeyong cups Johnny's face in his hands, wiping his tears with his thumbs. "I know it's hard, and it's gonna be so difficult, but I don't want things to change. I want to reach this moment. I know you can change things, but who's to say that if you protect me and that doesn't happen, that I, we, will still have this? It is because those things happened that I am here now, that we're married, that we spend every waking moment together."</p><p>Johnny shakes his head and starts to protest, but Taeyong shushes him.</p><p>"I know it's hard to accept, and there will be days where you wish you could change things, I know. But this is something that has to happen, and your Taeyong will wish for the same things. He won't hate you even if he knows that you can change the past, trust me, so please, don't protect me and don't change the future. It's not what I want. It's not what your Taeyong would want either."</p><p>"Dammit, Taeyong." Johnny pulls Taeyong into his arms and cries even harder. So many thoughts come running through his head, but mostly, he wishes he just kept his mouth shut. <em>It would've been better if I didn't know, maybe</em>.</p><p>Taeyong holds him tight and cries with him. And they spend the rest of the afternoon crying, and Johnny has to do his best to stop imagining all those horrific things happening to Taeyong. It seems to be hours later when they let go of each other. Johnny holds Taeyong's hand as they walk back to their car. He appreciates that no one looks at them weirdly on their way, and he's glad that Taeyong doesn't let go of his hand. He just hopes that his Taeyong won't mind.</p><p>Johnny doesn't want to let go, even as they enter the house, but Taeyong lets go.</p><p>"What do you want for dinner? I'll cook you something."</p><p>"I don't think I can eat dinner." Johnny's stomach rumbles at the idea, but he doesn't know if its from hunger or something else.</p><p>Taeyong hums. "I'll cook dinner anyways, and you can eat if you want."</p><p>Johnny just nods and heads to the living room couch. Taeyong prepares the ingredients he'll use for dinner and then joins Johnny. "Do you have any other questions? Now that you know what's going to happen?"</p><p>"What happens to NCT when we leave?" Taeyong smiles sadly. "I can't tell you the whole of it, but NCT is still together, although now they're at a point in their career that they've ventured into solo activities."</p><p>"Do we, do we still talk to them? What did they say when we left SM?"</p><p>"Doyoung was against us leaving. He wanted us to fight SM and stay together with them, but we didn't have much power then, and when we talked to a lawyer, he said it was better if I left the country because me getting kicked out of military service for being gay would impact my life negatively. He's still angry with us," Taeyong laughs at this, but there's no hint of happiness in it, "but he's starting to accept that we had no choice in the matter. We started talking again some months back."</p><p>Johnny's heart aches at that. He can't imagine not being able to freely talk to Doyoung. "What about the others?"</p><p>"We are constantly talking to Mark and Donghyuck. Sometimes we'll get a message from the others, but other than that, we don't really talk to them." Johnny notices that he looks like he's trying too hard to brush it off.</p><p>"Even after everything you just said, you still want me to go back to my time and change nothing?"</p><p>Taeyong freezes at the question, but he gives Johnny a sad smile. "Yes, Johnny." He reaches for Johnny's hand. "Think of it like this. If you were to change something, what would you do to protect me? Would you break up with me? Would you delete all evidences that I was gay so no one would find out? You could convince your Taeyong that you're doing it to protect him, but will he even realize or understand what you're protecting him from? And what if all that does is break us up, then we'll be in NCT for the rest of our lives, working together in a strained relationship because your Taeyong will never really understand the sacrifice you made for him."</p><p>Johnny wants to say something to refute Taeyong's claims, but he can't say anything because this is the Taeyong from the future, the one who's been through hell and back. There is nothing he can say that will change Taeyong's mind, nothing about his present that he can use to change Taeyong's perspective.</p><p>"I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you that it doesn't hurt, because it really hurts. And maybe that's why my Johnny's in the past, you know? To see if the sacrifices he made, the friends he's lost, were worth losing just to have me, you know?" Taeyong wipes his tears. "It hurts, and there are still days where I think—where I wish all those things didn't happen, but if they didn't happen, what kind of future would I have? If those things didn't happen, what kind of struggle and pain would I have to go through instead? What kind of losses would I have made? What kind of future is there ahead of us? I don't know. I don't know the answer to those questions, so it's better to not think about what ifs. It's better to just look forward because, right here, right now, I have you, I have your family. I have new friends. It's better to face our struggles head on than running from it, Johnny."</p><p>"God, why are you making it so hard."</p><p>Taeyong laughs, and Johnny's heart aches because Taeyong looks so beautiful like this. His eye shines with tears, and his face is red from all the crying, but his laughter is bright and beautiful. "This may be hard to believe, but I like where I am now. I like the life I'm living now, and yes, I've been through a lot, and there is a lot of pain, but there is nowhere I'd rather be than here."</p><p>Johnny looks for any signs of a lie but sees none. Taeyong smiles and squeezes his hand. "You're really okay with this?"</p><p>"More than okay."</p><p>Johnny tries to say something, but Taeyong cuts him off. "Come on, let's watch a movie. It'll help distract you from trying to change my mind."</p><p>Taeyong plays a movie that Johnny has seen before. He doesn't tell Taeyong that it doesn't help him stop his mind from thinking of all these possibilities, of all the things he could change. He bites his lip and saves all the theories for later.</p><p>
  <em>Maybe it'll work if I tell him during dinner.</em>
</p><p>Taeyong cooks dinner halfway through the movie, and he gives Johnny a bowl of bibimbap right before the movie ends. Before Johnny can begin debating with Taeyong, Taeyong plays another movie.</p><p>"I know you're gonna keep trying to convince me, but I'm telling you now, John Suh, I don't want you to change the past. That's not why you're here." Johnny pouts, but he dutifully obeys, mixing his bibimbap halfheartedly. Halfway through the movie, Johnny asks, "Then why am I here?"</p><p>Taeyong shrugs. "Only you know the answer to that."</p><p><em>I thought I was here because I wanted to know if I was still going to be with Taeyong ten years from now, but now that I know what brings us to this point, why we're married, I don't know anymore</em>.</p><p>"You said that we got married for your citizenship, does that mean we didn't get married because we love each other?"</p><p>Taeyong laughs at that, loud and obnoxious, and the sound echoes in the living room. "If we just got married for citizenship, I wouldn't still be married to my Johnny, you know? But to answer your question, your parents and a lawyer convinced us it would be better to get married for my citizenship. Your parents couldn't exactly adopt me, and it would be harder for me to gain my citizenship that way. So we just picked a nice date for it, and then exactly a year after that we got a real wedding ceremony."</p><p>"Okay, okay. I just—I needed to make sure that you really love your Johnny."</p><p>Taeyong gives him a solemn smile. "I love Johnny, you, so much. If there is absolutely something you can never doubt, and that's my feelings."</p><p>Johnny sees the sincerity in Taeyong's expression, in the brightness of his eyes, and his small smile. He knows he shouldn't have doubted, but he couldn't help making sure.</p><p>They continue to watch movies until it's time to go to sleep. Usually, Taeyong would go to his own room and close the door, but this time, he invites Johnny inside.</p><p>"It's your last night here, so I want us to sleep together, and uh, not in that sense, but in the sense where we just lie down together." He laughs off the awkwardness, and Johnny can't help but smile at him. Despite how mature and grown Taeyong is, he's glad there are still parts of him that haven't changed.</p><p>"Okay." They lie down on the bed, and Johnny notices how they still occupy the same space on the bed. Once tucked in, Johnny wonders if he should say something. "You know," he starts to say, "If I did change the future, you wouldn't really know."</p><p>Taeyong laughs. "I know, and I did think about it, but I'm just going to hold onto the hope that you won't."</p><p>Under the covers, Johnny finds Taeyong's hand and holds onto it.</p><p>"Are you happy?"</p><p>Taeyong turns and smiles at Johnny.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>37</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Johnny has been busy all day planning and preparing the perfect at-the-dorm date. Taeyong has ignored him all morning, and Doyoung has glared at him the whole time. Eventually, when the afternoon comes, Doyoung begrudgingly helps.</p><p>"Thanks, Doyoung." Johnny smiles at his friend, hoping he realizes how sincere he is.</p><p>Doyoung just sighs. "We'll be back in the morning. Things had better be okay by then." He walks out of the kitchen and begins roping the members out of the dorm one by one, convincing them to spend the night at the other dorm.</p><p>"Where's everyone?" Taeyong asks the empty dorm. Johnny sheepishly appears in the hallway, and Taeyong sighs heavily.</p><p>"I wanted us to talk, properly, if you will. And I wanted to apologize for last night, so Doyoung convinced everyone to go to Mark's dorm for the night." Taeyong glares at him for a few seconds before it melts into a look of defeat. "You're not forgiven, but I can smell that you've cooked dinner, so I'm not gonna turn down food." Johnny smiles triumphantly as he ushers Taeyong to the living room. Taeyong's eyes widen at the fort Johnny's managed to build with blankets, pillows and Johnny's stuffed toys. Instead of fairy lights, he's used some of the lamps they have lying around. It's wide enough to hold three people and facing the TV. In the middle, there are plates and bowls of food.</p><p>"Wow, this is amazing!" Taeyong gets down on his hands and knees to hold one of Johnny's bears in his arms. Johnny smiles at the sight.</p><p>"I know it's been a while since we've done this, so I thought, we could have it for my last night here." Johnny joins him in the fort and turns on the TV.</p><p>"It's your last night?"</p><p>"Yeah," Johnny smiles a little sadly, but he's spent the week preparing for this. He's hugged each and every member for reasons they don't know. Now, all that's left is Taeyong. "So I wanted to make amends before I left, in case you were accidentally angry with your Johnny." He laughs at that, but he also knows that 27-year-old Johnny would not be emotionally prepared for a fight.</p><p>"I," Taeyong pauses and sighs. "I wanna apologize as well. I—I heard you and Doyoung fighting last night, and after thinking about it, really thinking about it, I realized that you were right."</p><p>The weight on Johnny's shoulders lighten, but only a little bit. He takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry I really can't tell you anything, but I hope you know that I'm not doing this on purpose or to hurt you."</p><p>"Yeah, I can see that now."</p><p>Johnny gives Taeyong a reassuring smile. "So how about we have a movie marathon while eating dinner?"</p><p>"Okay," Taeyong agrees, moving closer until their arms are touching.</p><p>Johnny doesn't wrap his arm around Taeyong's shoulder, but he doesn't move away as the first movie plays. They don't talk, but the silence is more than enough.</p><p>When Taeyong is full and the third movie is playing, he starts yawning. Johnny notices how his eyes keep fluttering shut, but Taeyong fights the sleep.</p><p>"It's okay, you can sleep, you know."</p><p>Taeyong hums. "When I wake up, my Johnny will be here?"</p><p>"Yeah." Johnny's heart aches as he remembers the time he got back, how he woke up in this fort and had to hold back his tears when he saw Taeyong's eyes look up at him.</p><p>"One last question," Taeyong whispers, eyes starting to close, his head resting on Johnny's shoulder.</p><p>Johnny hums, knowing that Taeyong will respect whether he chooses to answer or not.</p><p>"Are we happy?"</p><p>Johnny takes a deep breath and smiles. "You are."</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Johnny opens his eyes to find Taeyong looking at him. His hand automatically goes to caress Taeyong's cheek. There are tears in his eye, and Johnny wipes them away.</p><p>"You're back." Taeyong takes Johnny's hand into his own and kisses it. "I've missed you."</p><p>"I missed you too." Johnny scoots even closer to Taeyong, their noses bumping into each other, and presses his lips against Taeyong's. "I've missed this." Taeyong chuckles but doesn't pull away, rubbing their noses against each other.</p><p>"Did you find what you were looking for?" He whispers into Johnny's lips.</p><p>"I wasn't really looking for anything," Johnny replies after some seconds had passed. Taeyong hums and closes his eye. He leans his forehead against Johnny's and waits for him to elaborate. "I just, I felt like looking back, felt like I needed to hold onto those memories a little more."</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"What about you, Taeyong, don't you ever get that feeling?"</p><p>Taeyong takes a deep breath and looks at Johnny, his gaze so sure and confident. "Sometimes I do, but it's not what's important to me anymore." Taeyong threads their fingers together and smiles. "I just need to look at you, and I think that's enough, you're enough."</p><p>"Are you happy, then, Taeyong?"</p><p>"Yes." They close their eyes, but they don't need to see to feel the warmth and love shared between them. "Are you?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>When their lips meet for a short but sweet kiss, Johnny thinks, <em>This is what happiness is.</em></p><p>♡</p><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><b>Prompt Code: #JS97</b> </p><p>
  <span class="small">One day, Person B wakes up to find the 27yo Johnny he’s been dating in secret is replaced by a 37yo Johnny with a ring on his finger. He won’t speak of how he got married, won’t tell any of the other members about their future, and seems to be trying to memorize every single moment he’s experiencing while he’s 10 years in his past. Person B's heart breaks to think about their inevitable parting for the sake of appearances. One day, 27yo Johnny wakes up in a house in Chicago, next to a 37yo Person B with a ring on his finger. He’s been expected, apparently, because Person B has hidden all the photos in the house and feeds him new information gradually. In this future, they’re married, Person B has immigrated, and they’ve retired from being idols. He's also blind in his left eye, with limited mobility in his left pointer &amp; middle finger. (In this future, Person B's enlistment was cut short when a fellow soldier learned too much (homophobia, physical assault, ruled unfit for service) One day, 27yo Johnny wishes he could experience what life could be like to be with Person B without hiding. One day, 37yo Johnny wishes he could go back just once and experience his old life, be with his old friends. Their wishes give them a week of perspective.</span>
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